Crushing Negativity with Affirmations

Even though my youth is long past, something that took root in those years has come to the forefront of my life lately.

Growing up, including my teen years, my life was relatively easy. Sure, I got in trouble here and there. I had long periods of time when I didn’t do well in school. Arguments with my parents were sometimes quite heated. I had boyfriends and crushes that didn’t end well. Looking back, I feel fortunate that I never faced anything more than the typical things most of us experience as we grow up. So how did all this negative thinking and negative self-talk take such a firm hold in my mind? To be perfectly honest; I have no clear idea. Maybe genetics.  Maybe small events that added up. Maybe internalizing comments from others rather than letting them go. However it happened, it has taken me to the age I am now (we’ll leave it at that) to figure out that my pervasive pessimism and ongoing litany of putting myself down needed to change.

Oprah Winfrey once said, “You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script.” At the foundation of being human, we want to be in control of our lives and who we are. We want to make our own choices and think for ourselves. But what happens if your thought pattern is too often negative?

Did you know that negative thoughts and negative self-talk are NOT the same thing? I was surprised by this myself. I have always lumped any type of “bad” thoughts into the same bucket. However, negative self-talk is defined as our own critical voice, mentally making harsh judgments and cruel statements about ourselves, often on repeat. Negative self-talk is when we tell ourselves things like:

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Everything just goes wrong for me.”

“Nobody likes me.”

“I’m so…(fill in the blank with any negative descriptor).”

This type of inner dialogue can become very limiting, diminishing your confidence and creating feelings of hopelessness. Our negative self-talk also works in absolutes including words and phrases like always, every time, never, and everyone.  

Negative thinking can be about ourselves, but generally is more outwardly focused.  This can include gloom-ridden thoughts about relationships with others, school, the future, and the world around us.  Both negative thoughts and negative self-talk derail us in our daily life, but most especially when working toward improving ourselves and our way of thinking. Besides decreasing our motivation and distorting our perceptions, research has shown it can actually weaken the brain’s capacity for reasoning and forming memories.

The need to flip your script in order to make personal changes can be a daunting task. I know firsthand. From the outside, I probably seem "fine" to those around me, but in truth a tremendous amount of my life has been stuck in a negative mindset. To be honest, I did not realized how often my brain went to that place until recently when a dear friend consistently started countering my negativity with "but there's so much to be happy about." When you’ve become accustomed to your mind telling you “things will never go your way”  (this is one of my frequent “go-to” negative self-talk statements) and feeling like there is so much going wrong in the world, how do you change your mental outlook?

Just like studies showing how negativity weakens the brain, there is neuroscience behind the theory that positive affirmations change our brain for the better. The concept of neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to adapt and change throughout life. When we repeat positive affirmations, we can work toward rewiring our minds. Listening to the affirmations, even if we don’t believe them right away, slowly builds feelings of confidence, calmness, and happiness if practiced consistently. The process of listening to affirmations also boosts the pleasure and reward chemicals in our brains. As we repeat positive affirmations, there are new connections within our brain leading to long-term changes in our thought patterns, behavior, and overall well-being.

Affirmations can take many forms. I became familiar with affirmations through YouTube. There are thousands videos with calming music and scenes where positive affirmations are repeated. One common thread I found in nearly all the videos I’ve used is the idea that repeated listening for 21 days is the key to creating those new neural pathways in our brains. Some psychologists equate the practice of repeated affirmations to the way we would need to repeat exercise for it to be effective. Think of affirmations as exercise for our subconscious mind.

Once you become familiar with affirmations, you can customize them to your personal needs. First, become aware of negative thinking or self-talk that you want to change. This helps you create affirmations that contradict those thoughts. Experts suggest keeping your affirmations simple and in the present tense using “I am” statements. For example, let’s say you've experience challenges with friendships. You’ve found yourself repeatedly feeling and thinking “no one likes me.” A good counterstatement for that negative thought might be “I am likeable and a good friend.”  If you have found yourself filled with doubts that have zapped your confidence, an affirmation might be “I am confident in all that I do.” Remember, even if at first your affirmations are not statements you believe, the goal is to make them part of the inner workings of your brain so that over time you DO believe the best about yourself more easily. 

Developing your own affirmations could be a worthwhile part of your journaling practice. Try creating pages devoted to forming your own personal affirmations. You could journal about a negative thought or feeling you wish to replace, reflecting on where that thought might have developed. Then focus on creating an affirmation that opposes the negative and focuses you on becoming the best you possible.  

The plain truth is that negativity can play a huge role in the paths you follow or choose not to take in life. Going back to Oprah’s quote, using positive affirmations is a way to rewrite your script and define your life and who you are becoming. Remember with any new habit, consistency and patience with ourselves is key. Take it from someone who has been putting in the work to change her own negative thought patterns; even though it takes time to make these shifts in mindset, trust the process. Positive affirmations are a powerful tool in crushing negativity that might be holding you back from enjoying the best out of life.